Breakfast on a stunning June morning took no time to cook and was delicious, 3 smoked slices of bacon, 2 fried eggs and 2 slices of fried bread accompanied by 2 plum on-the-vine tomatoes, all done in one saucepan – not frying pan - to keep the fat spits and washing-up to a minimum , while sitting naked overlooking the sea bird laden island of Lundy. (Norse for puffin)
Earlier a fast motor boat, had expertly docked, while I was cooking, its wake rocking me uncomfortably, before it disgorged its binocular clad visitors some 400 yards away. Within minutes they were climbing the concrete pathways to the various perches to spy on the varied nature.
Equinox is equipped with dodgers; these functional cloth arrangements use the safety-rails to provide a wind-break for the crew, useful pockets and a place for the boat’s name to be emblazoned. They also screen the occupants from inquisitive eyes when either sitting or eating – from the shoulders down. Not for one moment did I think I would be visible from the shore. So, settling down to eat, I casually looked up from time to time to see the twitcher’s progress up the 245ft high cliff. My breakfast was delicious, the bacon cooked, just so, the eggs prefect and the tomatoes piping hot but still complete within their unbroken skins.
The incident took place while I was looking up at the toiling climbers, in that a tomato skidded from my plate into my lap, having been cued off in a sorry attempt to cut a wedge off my fried bread. Fortunately for me, the tomato was captured quickly. Sitting like a solitary red egg in a hairy nest, it failed to touch the nearby sensitive skin; thus giving me time to consider the numerous options. I settled on my preferred one fast... just in case. By standing up and using my knife, I coaxed the tomato out of its resting place back to its rightful spot next to the remaining fried egg . Sitting down again, I looked up to see a lady spying me through huge binoculars, some 190ft above my head and some 300 yards away. The lady lowered her glasses and turning to her partner said something to him... which I can only guess to be. ‘Derek, would you believe that man on the boat down there has just cut off the end of his own willy and is eating it!’ In response, he immediately tuned his equally large binoculars on me! I gave my predicament some thought for a moment and then still sitting and thus partly hidden, placed my left foot on top of the dodger; and pretended to hack into it with knife and fork! I can only guess what he told the others!
Re-togged to spare the voyeurs, the sail to Clovelly was perfect. A steady 9-10 knot westerly set in soon after casting off from one of the very impressive visitor’s buoys and within minutes; and out of the lee of the island, we were scudding along at a brisk 5 knots under full topsail rig and a following sea. Half way back to the mainland a single porpoise passed me by, at an even brisker pace, and for the next ten minutes I pondered on versions of ’A pilot passaging past Portsmouth, Portland, Penzance and Padstow purveyed Patrick the porpoise passed portside purposefully, proving porpoises with a purpose can pass portside without pausing or permission!’ You get the drift!
It’s what cannibal yachtsmen do to fill in the hours!
With growing confidence and my destination in sight, albeit some 12 miles away, I’ve taken to switching off all the electronics, other than the VHF radio, to save battery life. I take half-hourly bearings on visible and obvious landmarks and plot my position directly onto the relevant chart in pencil... just in case! So should something go horribly wrong I’ll have my approximate Lat and Long position to relay over the radio to the Coastguard. All well and good I hear you say, but the thought occurred to me, that if I came to a sticky end ....perhaps wrecked on a well-charted hazard, what would the inscription be on my tombstone?
‘Here lies, turned off for ever, Simon D’Arcy, born 22 May 1951 as was his GPS and Chartplotter on June 25th 2010. May he rest in peace the silly sod!’
Sums it up nicely, don’t you think?
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